Saturday, December 29, 2007

19. Closetative Properties

I just made an appointment for Tuesday to see about designing a wardrobe insert for the bedroom closet through Ikea. Hoo-ray! I have $500 from the sale of my treadmill...but looking at this whole catalog, I'm not sure that's going to be enough. Still, the consultation is free. I am dying to finally do some renovatey type stuffs to our house.

Glee!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

18. Coin Laundry

Why is it that I am unable to locate a cocktail-serving coin laundry in this city?
Seriously! I've looked everywhere.

I smell a delite-ful business venture. I do. I may just have to do it.

Friday, December 21, 2007

17. No More


My goldfish died.
I had him for more than three years. He was wonderful.
Whenever I was upset I could watch him swim and feel happy again.
I never had a fish live so long.
I started to think he would live forever, but he didn't.

It's strange how much you can love a pet you never touch. But he was peaceful and good. He made me feel calm when I felt lost.
I am crushed.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

16. Waffle Baby

Perhaps it is the pms, but I have felt tears pressing against the back of my face for 2 days now. I am emotionally exhausted, yet they won't come out. Work has left me feeling too high strung. Any sense of professionalism I had has flown out the window. I find myself swearing like a sailor, and I don't care who sees me. Whenever a sentence calls for a pause, I toss in the word -Fuck- to fill the space. Today, in a ball of angry fits, I actually growled at my boss. Chattered my teeth like an agitated circus monkey. She (of course) told me I'm bat-shit.

In rising to meet our increased holiday volumes, being shat upon by all my surrounding work groups, trying to salvage a custom card program that is literally exploding under pressure, and still trying to make this a lovely Christmas holiday for my most loveded ones, I feel I am about to crash. But tomorrow is Friday. This weekend is only the eye of a holiday storm, but if I can just forget my employer exists for 2 days; 2 measly days...I might be able to collect myself a bit and calm down.

Matt made rad plans for a date on Sunday. He's taking me out for dinner and Christmas lights, at the same time. We're going to grab a pizza from Domino's to share while we drive. I'm excited, it should be super fun. Even the dogs can come. So at least there's that to look forward to.

I'm also hoping to make some waffles on Saturday. Waffles and Saturday mornings are such a perfect combo they should hold hands and run away together. While they're at it, they should make some babies. Because Waffle-Saturday babies equal longer weekends and all day brunches. And that is a delightful thought indeed.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

15. On Edge

I need out of this fucking town. Maybe it's just today, but I have an intense urge to run. I need a strange city and a labyrinth of streets to wander for a while. I've got a craving for all night diners and greasy hashbrowns. For digital photos filled with tracers and unusual people to watch on the street.

It seems like no matter how big the city, after a while I start to feel clausterphobic and bored. Right now I'm about to crawl out of my skin. Something needs to change because every day looks the same.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

14. Skinless Chicken

Paranoia.
Cat Eyes.
Aluminum Foil.
Typing.
You keep coming in here.
Pacing.
What the hell is that in your hand.
Hungry.
Inside-out.
Thousands.
DS.
Couch.
Boredom.
Laughing at myself.
Left.
Charles.
Flies.
Thump thump thump.
Growl.
Ears and shakes.
Grubble grub.
Sockfeet.
Pounce.
Blank.
No.
Yes.
Between.
Sulfite.
Empty-full.
Open.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

13. Disjointed Participle

Flashing fins and tails like swords to enemies unseen
the aqueous air is better where the sun can only hope to creep.

12. Damn the Man

After getting my annual review yesterday, I'm feeling really upset with my job. I had a very nice review, and I got the 4% raise I hoped for.
I was informed, however, that my interpersonal saavy needs improvement. I have never gotten a needs improvement on anything the entire time I have worked here. In the past year, I feel I have not only done what was expected of me, but gone above and beyond my job description. I have helped out with outside projects, and I get along with everyone except for one particular muffin breathed douche-bag who I no longer have any interaction with. According to my current and previous supervisors, they want me doing more project work and being more involved with other departments. Frankly, I find this assessment to be incredibly insulting. Rather than encourage me to branch out and mold myself into the corporate monkey they so desperately want me to be, I feel compelled to shut down completely and do the absolute bare minimum I need to get by.
What is so wrong with coming to work and doing the job I was hired to do? I want nothing more than to be left alone, responsible for no one but myself, where things were quiet and happy, and I could be productive.
To make things worse, we're moving to new cubicles next week, and I found out yesterday that I will not be sitting next to my comrade in arms as I was promised I would be. I had one simple request, which I know they were capable of accomodating, and they choose to deny it after promising me that it was no problem. Instead, I get a shitty end cube next to the other idiot in my work group, who I have mentally labeled "Catty Matty", and across from a truly obnoxious new hire who is to dense to realize he should leave me alone. Not only will I be babysitting Mr. Matty to be sure he's doing his job, picking up his slack, and spending 8 hours a day fuming over his general incompetence, but I'll be forced to listen to the inane ramblings of a teardrop tattooed, hood-rat-wanna-be mama's boy who already pesters me as much as possible via email from the opposite side of the room. I can only imagine the mind-numbing conversations I have to look forward to. My only hope is that I can turn my headphones up so loud my eardrums actually burst, thus saving me from the aural torture that is soon to consume a third of my existence.
All of this wonderful news comes riding in on the coattails of a particularly sweet job opening upstairs, which my dearest friend is beyond qualified for. Should he get it (which I hope very much for his sake that he does), I will be left stranded in a sea of mentally defunct and egocentric rejects.

I have to get out of this department.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

10. Soot Black



He fell out of my flue today...perfectly preserved. At first I thought it was a crow, but after comparing pictures, I'm pretty sure he's a sparrow.
I call him "Sooty".

Friday, September 28, 2007

9. Yarn Fuzz

I have an overwhelming need to crawl out of my own skin today. I feel caged. But I'm tired. I don't really want to walk, but I'm frustrated feeling so pent up. I can't stay sitting on the couch, but I don't feel like leaving. I'm actually considering vacuuming just to have something to do. Yeah...actually...vacuuming works. I'll do that.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

8. Now Hiring

now hiring:
thoughts, ramblings, general malaise...rubber chickens.
inquire within, apply today.
while you're here, perhaps you could use a new (only very lightly used) set of golf clubs?
also for sale:
old pots, corn cob pipes, photographs, knick knacks,
typewriter keys currently missing their typewriters -
solid metal, black, circa 1924;
now seeking a quiet home to while away their twilight years.
feel free to leave your application on the counter once you've finished.
the management has stepped out and won't be back anytime soon.
"lunch".
positions are filled bi-weekly and on half-moon tuesdays.
no no no. no phone calls.
prospective employees may expect
to receive notification via postcard post-haste-post-breakfasting hours.

don't hold your breath.
it only makes you look desperate, and no one wants to see that, now do they?
no.
no, i thought not.

Monday, September 10, 2007

6. Mediocre Monday

I feel like I may be entering another dry period. I do this sometimes, and it drives me batshit. It's like all the creativity is sapped out of me and all I have the energy to do is lay in the floor and watch the ceiling.
Usually I can get myself moving again by drowning myself in a bottle of wine, but it's not helping today. I feel dead.
This is the piece of me I despise. The part that holds me down. I could be brilliant, I think...but then I lose it. I don't really have any idea what I was going to be brilliant about, but I could be dammit, if it weren't for this lingering sensation of mediocrity. I just have no energy to be anything but a sack of...
Whatever.
I have no idea what I'm a sack of. I was going to say potatoes, but I felt it would be insulting a perfectly innocent tuber.

I'm going out of town next week. It'll be a fantastic road trip, and I'll photo, and see places I've never been before, and I'll get to talk to my brother, who always inspires me. Maybe that'll shake me out of this slump, I don't know. Fucking Mondays. They should just abolish them already.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

5. Dessert Woe

I realized today that I have made dessert maybe twice in my entire life. I've baked cakes, cookies, made pudding...easy things. But dessert is like this strange sort of beast I hadn't really considered before.

At noon I was informed that I should be responsible for bringing a dessert to dinner at a friend's, and they'd like us to come up with a side dish if possible too. Oh, and we're supposed to be there at 4. I thought cobbler would be a fancy sort of food that wouldn't be too difficult, and I found this easy beginner's version of a blackberry cobbler on foodnetwork.com. I was thinking blackberries were in season right now, and should be easy to come by. Yeah...they aren't.

We tried Safeway, Trader Joe's, and finally Albertson's before finding blackberries for sale fresh. $3 a carton didn't seem like a bad price, until we realized we needed $18 worth of berries for this recipe. Instead, we grabbed a bag of frozen blackberries in the pie filling section and thawed them (still inside their bag submerged in a bowl of water) as best we could before hand.

By the time I went to assemble the cobbler, the berries were still mostly frozen, and really wet. I drained them twice before mixing in the other ingredients, but it still seems soupy. And just as I finished placing the top crust onto the berries, and pressing down the edges, I realized I forgot to drop the little cubes of butter down in the berries.

This thing is going to be awful.
____________________________________________________________________________

September 10, 2007, 5:20am:

I am delighted to say that the cobbler was not awful. On the contrary, it was effing delicious. Effing. With a big capital EFF. Everyone liked it, it didn't fall apart at all, and it was still steaming hot when we served it. I couldn't be more thrilled.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

4. Cat Nap

you easy sleeper,
9 lives spent sprawled in the sun-
how i envy you.

3. No-show

Sometimes I can be such a flake.

This morning we woke up at 6, showered and got ready, dug out any semblance of an identification tag we could find for each of the dogs, and dashed out the door for the Pawswalk. We were running a little late, but we hit the McDonald's drive thru and arrived in Redmond only about 15 minutes after we were supposed to meet the Flickr Dogs team.

For some reason, maybe because I have a serious cold, or maybe because the sun was brighter than usual and refracting in blinding patterns off my sludgy windshield, everything looked wrong to me. I've been to Marymoor multiple times this summer, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out where the entrance to the park was, or where the offleash area was once we were inside. We finally found the back entrance to the offleash park at 8:00, parked, and began walking through the park to the main lot.

I had called my team members repeatedly to find out where to meet them, and by the time we arrived, they had already checked in and moved on to the vendor booths. We headed up the road where they told us to meet them. Only after walking almost 10 minutes, all I could see was a soccer tournament. There was no sign of a dog related event anywhere.

I called again and described where I was, to the Flickr gang's confusion. They knew the park well and couldn't recall any soccer fields or rock climbing areas like I described. They eventually figured out I was describing Marymoor, not Magnusen. After 3 months of checking the Pawswalk website multiple times a week, and more recently reviewing it in detail for the schedule of events, I never once realized I was misreading Magnusen as Marymoor.

I don't even know where Magnusen is. I don't like that park much, so I've only been there twice I think. I was having trouble breathing because my cold has settled into my chest, and I just didn't feel up to hunting for another dog park. So I told them I wasn't coming. We were already at a park, and our dogs were having a pretty fantastic morning just running around. They let me off the phone in a kind of exasperated, you're an idiot kind of way. But whatever.

I'm just not good with events and itineraries, and making plans so far in advance. I like to do things as they suit my mood. And today, standing there in the middle of a field soaking in the sunshine, I felt really happy.

We did manage to raise $230 for Paws, counting the two matched contributions from my work. By not showing up, we saved the $25 out of each of our donation funds that would have been designated to t-shirts and bandanas for our dogs, so that's $50 that won't be wasted on something silly.

I guess I'm not that upset with myself. I do feel flakey. I let down some strangers, but I feel like I made my dog's morning. I'll take Frank's happiness over theirs any day of the week.

Friday, September 7, 2007

2. Wretched Cold

Oooh my gosh, I am sick. I'm worse than I was earlier today, and I'm worried about the Pawswalk tomorrow. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do 5k. I can hardly breathe and I keep feeling really flushed and dizzy for a minute, and then it passes.
I'm going to bed.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

1. Get Thrifted

I spent a fair part of my evening attempting to get a decent photo of this dress...unfortunately, this was about as nice a shot as I could get with my digital camera.* I stumbled upon this most excellent find at the Value Village 1/2 off Labor Day sale on Monday, which cost me a mere $5. The ribbon belt actually came from another dress I already own, as the belt for this dress is missing. I plan to buy a piece of ribbon from the fabric store to attach to the piece permanently, to prevent any further belt-losses.

I also picked up a pair of Gap jeans for another $5, which were about 3-4" too long, but I think they look quite nice with an upturned cuff to compensate.

Two weeks before that, I found another 2 pairs of jeans for $5 each at the same thrift store. Sadly, one of the two pairs shrunk when I put it through the dryer, but for $5, I really can't complain. I've ruined so many more expensive pairs of jeans doing the very same. This time, instead of hating myself for wasting $30-40 on a pair of jeans I was able to wear once, I can say I donated $5 to charity, and send the shrunken pair back to the thrift store to find a third home, guilt free. Ealier the same day at Goodwill I picked up an Indian scarf in a deep scarlet for $3, a compilation of three books by Woody Allen for $2, and a copy of "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac for a dollar.

It's really exciting to think I've developed a shopping habit that for once, I can afford. Besides thrift stores, I've spent my summer prowling garage sales, finding all sorts of interesting things. Mostly books, all of which were in surprisingly good condition. But I've also found a house plant in an adorable pot ($2) and a brand new jacket ($2.50) which I've already worn several times.

Sadly, the end of summer brings with it an end to the garage sale season. I do plan to continue hitting the thrift stores on a frequent basis, however. For as long as I can remember, I've never been able to afford more than a few pairs of jeans at a time. By the time I had enough money to go shopping again, my clothes were nearly worn out or ruined, and I'd have to replace what I had rather than add to my wardrobe. If I'm able to find such inexpensive jeans already broken in and dryer safe, or other pieces to mix into the rotation of what I buy new, I may be able to compile a relatively full set of clothes for the first time ever, and in only a matter of months.
An exciting prospect indeed...


*Note to self: Your digital camera doesn't appear to take very nice photographs. Perhaps you should consider purchasing a new one?