Tuesday, January 1, 2008

20. New Year

Happy 2008!

This had to have been my least eventful New Year's Eve since we were living in St. Charles, and I came down with the flu the night of. We had awesome plans that night too...

Matt and I went out to dinner in Edmonds around 5:30. Girardi's wasn't too busy yet, and the food was delicious, though a little too rich for me. I wish I could remember the name of the appetizer we had. It was a pile of greens, thinly sliced raw beef medallions, and paper thin slices of asiago topped off with capers and red onions, and a little dijon mustard on the side for dipping. For my main course I ordered the Cranberry-Apple-Gorgonzola Ravioli, which was very good, but just too much. The cream sauce was so heavy and buttery-cheesy thick, I couldn't eat more than half of what was on my plate. Which, honestly is fine. I'm trying to eat the same amount that I would at home when I go out to dinner so I don't feel so sick afterward. Just because something tastes delicious doesn't mean I have to make a pig of myself.

Matt's dinner was a braised pork shank over savory mushroom risotto. Really delicious, but even that was too much for me. I did pick at his quite a bit because it was so good, but even then we ended up bringing half of each dinner home for Matt to eat later.

We were back at Toad Hollow and opening champagne by 7. We had planned to watch 2 movies, one I rented, and one we were going to get off pay per view, but Superbad had mysteriously disappeared. Which left the movie I rented, "Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus".

My entire interest in seeing this movie was the director. Steven Shainberg's last film was "Secretary", which was completely amazing. It's one of my favorite films ever. I am also an appreciator of Diane Arbus' work, however, and my concern that "Fur" would be a bastardization of that is what has taken me a year and a half to get around to actually watching it. The title makes it quite clear that this is not intended to be a factual depiction of Diane Arbus' life, so I went into it with an open mind and took Nicole Kidman's fictional portrayal of her with a grain of salt.

In the end, I believe that it was a tasteful homage to Arbus' artistic style and perspective by someone who obviously finds a lot of inspiration for his own work in her. Beyond that, it was just a really beautiful and intriguing film about creativity and finding the courage to listen your inner voice. The real Arbus has little more to do with the story than being a perfect embodiment for that message.

I frequently struggle with my own creativity, as well as the idea of happiness, and this film definitely spoke to that. More and more I see that happiness has to come from within. You cannot force it or try to find it in someone else. And a lot of times finding your own way means that you can't be what others want you to be. Like any other emotion, it is completely unique to the individual. What will make me happy may seem like hell to the next person. That seems like really basic common sense, yet I often forget it. I spend so much of my time fighting depression because I am trying to fit myself into a box or a choice that I feel I'm stuck with. Really, I shortchange myself because I am afraid to hurt someone, or of being judged, or to take any risks. It's fear alone that holds me back from finding my own happiness.

Anyway, I liked the movie. You might too.

As for New Year's resolutions, I don't have many. I try to apply resolutions as they come up. But since it is a new year, and I am sitting here thinking about it, I think I will make more of an effort to be less afraid. I hope that by not listening to my fears quite so much, I'll achieve a little more of what I'm looking for. Also, more yoga. It's quite nice.


Janieac said...

Hrm. I guess if you go in with low expectations ... anyway, I'm sure I'll catch it some day.

In the mean time, I have a wall of movies that Brian brought over. He has the hugest DVD collection ever. It's pretty sweet. I just watched the rest of Freaks and Geeks yesterday; you should Netflix the series. I really think you'll like it.

Happy New Year sweetie!!!

Françoise de Fleur said...

I tried to comment on this last night and my stupid internet connection died. WHAT! But I think I was saying something about how I wanted to take more risks as well... No more pussyfootin' 'round!