Wednesday, February 20, 2008

28. Idle Threat

Brick-toothed loud mouth!
Your grin would look a lot better
laid out on the pavement.
Maybe somebody should help you with that,
but it's not gonna be me today.

My fists would love to get a little punch drunk
and dance all over your face.
But I know better than they do -
small and flimsy, and white as glue;
not at all up to the task at hand
(pun intended).
They've got a little growing left
before they can take on a lugnut like you.

So I'll see you around, loose lips.

'Til then I'll be eating my wheaties
and all those other things they say should make a person
strong enough to hold their own.
You just better think twice
before you go flip-flappin' your trap around here again.
Next time you might not get off so easy.

*Poetry readings always make me feel like writing, which may make me a bit of a poser, since I seem to require other people's creative juices to fuel my own...

Still, it feels nice to ditch some shit that's been stewing around in there for too long.

Friday, February 15, 2008

27. Smelly Cats was a Friends reference. And I never really even liked the show. It's true though. They stink. The little furballs have been stinking up my entryway for too long now.

I've decided to attempt toilet training my cats. I'm not sure how possible it is, but our food store sells the toilet insert for $18, which is the same price as like, a bag and a half of cat litter. If it works, I'll be saving $12 a month, and never have to scoop a disgusting, horrible, toxic waste receptacle of a litter box ever again.

I'm a little worried that they're too old to learn, but I have faith in my cats. They're silly beasties, but definitely smart. I also worry that Salem is too stiff in the hips to manage to hit the toilet. He's always losing his balance and falling in or off of things. The cat box is pretty gross to smell right when you walk in the front door, but I think having to clean kitty wee on the seat may actually be worse. I guess I'm just going to have to try it and hope for the best.
February 16, Saturday.

How to Toilet Train Your Cat

This method seems to be the most logical and reasonable approach...there's just one major problem. I can't be present when my cats do their business. Like most people, they prefer a little privacy while they make with the toilet time. And while I may be able to arrange Salem's paws appropriately so he isn't standing in the toilet rather than on the seat, the chances of doing that with Fuu are slim to none. I can't even walk into the bathroom while she's eating. The instant she sees someone coming she darts out the door and won't come back until she's certain you're gone. Not to mention the fact that I'm only at home and awake about 6 hours out of my day, and this method requires the human to supervise at all times to make sure everything goes smoothly.

I'm all for a difficult challenge, but I also know the difference between a challenge and a futile attempt at the impossible. This isn't going to work.

Maybe I should just invest in an automatic cat box. I'm just not sure that scooping the litter box is bad enough to justify a $100 investment on top of the price of litter. *Disappoint-mints*

Saturday, February 9, 2008

26. New Shoes

I spent the remainder of my clothing budget on shoes. Matt says I have a disease. Maybe I do, but it's not a disease I want to cure.

DSW is my new favorite store. I'd never been before today, and even Matt was entirely impressed. It is the single greatest shoe wonderland I have ever seen. I spent $114 on three pairs of shoes.

By Chinese Laundry:

A new pair of Converse:

And the pièce de résistance, more Chinese Laundry, which I fully intend to wear the life out of by parading them as often as possible:

Friday, February 8, 2008

25. The Mall

If a girl goes to the mall with money in her pockets, she should be able to find things she loves to spend it on. I wish I had more to spend in adorable little boutique shops, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My pockets are not bursting with cash, and so I had to try and make my dollar stretch to the best of my ability. I shopped sales like crazy. Yet after 2 hours of wandering up and down the aisles searching for things to love, all I left with were a pair of Editors from Express on super sale ($22, originally $60), and a lavender camisole from Macy's ($20!?!).

Ok, so I'm pmsing a bit and my self esteem could be higher. Those fucking down facing lights love to highlight cellulite I would normally never give a second thought to. But I feel like the mall is filled with clothes for someone else. Except for the items I bought, and one coveted but too damaged to purchase blouse from Forever 21, I couldn't find anything to make my insides scream with glee. It is payday, I had $150 to spend on things to floof out my wardrobe, and I left with $40 worth of merchandise. I can go thrifting, spend $20, and come out with a handful of things I adore; yet turned loose in a string of department stores with clearance sales and 8 times the amount of cash, I can't find a thing.

Tomorrow I'm going to try again. I plan to visit DSW and Nordstrom Rack. Shoes never fail to bring a smile to my face. I just hope I can find some clothes to wear with them...