My doggie does not like ooky meats.
I've been feeding Frank an all raw diet for two weeks now, with a lot of success. This morning’s breakfast however, consisted of a raw catfish head and a piece of piggie kidney. I had given him a fish head over a week ago which he ate, but grudgingly. I assumed that he would eventually eat this as well, given enough time. But he just sniffed both and walked away.
I threw away the kidney (in the dumpster outside) and put the fish head in his crate in the hopes he would eat it on the way to work. Not only did he refuse to eat it, Frank spent the entire ride to work arranging his crate so that he could sit as far from it as possible.
Because I was seriously concerned I would return to a car which stunk of fish this afternoon, I decided the best course of action would be to dispose of the head. The car ride had been relatively quiet for several minutes, until I imagined myself tossing the fish in the trash can near the entrance to my work. Picturing the look on people’s faces as they passed by, being hit by the smell of now warm fish head, or possibly being attacked by the seagulls attempting to retrieve said fish from the garbage was too much for me.
I laughed out loud. Maniacally.
When I explained to Soren why I was laughing, he suggested I should do something better with it. Like throw it in the bank parking lot across the street from my work. We have a sort of long harbored vendetta against the employees of said bank. They once screamed at me because Frank decided to poop on the grass at the edge of their property. They were especially furious when I then used their dumpster to dispose of the poo, and accused us of trespassing.
Tossing a fish head in their lot to attract the gulls from the recycling center down the street seemed like the perfect revenge.
So I did.
I wrapped the head in a small sandwich bag I found under my car seat, so I wouldn’t have to touch it. As we passed by the bank lot, I threw it, sort of squeezing the bag at the same time, so that the head leapt from my hand like a slippery bar of soap and went skittering across the bank lot. It landed with the most satisfyingly wet plop of meat on pavement I could have ever asked for.
Then we ran away laughing.