Tuesday, July 21, 2009

112. In which I am reminded of Tennessee Williams


It's hot. Not so hot as it was earlier, but geez. Also, the Frank-dog tore one of his dew claws this weekend while staying at Pie's house, and won't stop licking it. INCESSANTLY.

And speaking of incessant, the drunk neighbor's terrier was standing out on her porch barking for at least an hour straight this evening. I finally got sick of it and went to her house to ask her why the dog was barking. She took a really long time to open the door, and when she did, she only cracked it open just enough that I could see her face and the dog's nose.

Our conversation went like this...

Me: Hi. Why are you letting your dog stand on your porch and bark incessantly?
Her: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have a dog.
Me: Ma'am...I can see the dog. He's right there.
Her: Well it wasn't him barking.
Me: Bullshit. I could see him.

Door swings open so that I can now see all of her enormity, and her adorable scamp of a terrier, who is looking especially pleased to have company.

Her: He hasn't been barking.
Me: Yes he has. I could see him from my house, poking his nose under the wall of the porch.
Her: Well it wasn't incessant.
Me: He's been barking for an hour.
Her: Only when people walk by...
Me: People have not been walking by for an hour. Could you not hear him? Were you asleep?
Her: Nooooo...

We stare at each other for some time. She looks confused and that fuzzy sort of stupid drunk. She is also wearing a red moo-moo and has frizzy blonde 80's hair that makes me giggle inside. Unfortunately from the outside I am much less imposing and kind of shaky, because that is what happens when I get agitated or nervous.

Her: Who are you?
Me: I live across from you.
Her: What do you mean you live across from me? Where do you live? What building?
Me: I live in the B building. And I can hear your dog inside my house.
Her: Did Mona send you?
Me: No. I am tired of your dog barking and I would like him to stop.
Her: OOOookaaaaaay. Thaaaaaaaank yooooooouuuu.

And then she slammed her door in my face.

I was probably more rude than I should have been. But I stopped feeling guilty about it after I went by Harvey and Mona's to let them know I said something to her in case she complains. Harvey said the other night her four year old grandson was swimming in the koi pond with the dog while she was passed out drunk on her porch.

Oh, neighbor gossip...

The dog is awfully cute though.


Janieac said...

Woooooooooooow. Did Mona send you. Hilarious!!! On so many levels.

Poor poocharoo.

Super Milk-Chan said...

Yeah...Mona told Matt that I'm her hero.