Saturday, August 8, 2009

118. Emo.

I hate crashing after being in a really good place for quite some time. I've been super happy lately, and energetic, and really feeling good about myself. And then tiny little things happen, and I immediately start second-guessing myself again. Like messaging my friend who happens to be online at the same time as me, and asking them to hang out next week, only to see them drop offline shortly thereafter with no reply.

Or writing another friend who I adore, and probably gushing a bit too much about how grateful I am that they are my friend and how amazing I think they are, and then receive no reply at all. Because I know the silence isn't due to the fact that the message wasn't read, or that they didn't have a chance to reply. It just screams, "That was a bit too much. And now I feel awkward."

I get too wrapped up in certain people. And then I feel horribly crushed when they get uncomfortable and distance themselves. Like an idiot.


Françoise de Fleur said...

Is it really that "they get uncomfortable and distance themselves"? Maybe they just got busy and you're overthinking it? You are a fantastic friend and you're allowed to gush to your friends if you want. They may have just been at a loss for words - sometimes it's hard to write back to a nice email because you don't want to just say "ditto", like there's some sort of (mostly imaginary) expectation of an equally gushy response.

You're a good friend. You're a lovely friend. And try much harder than most of us. Don't feel like an idiot!

Janieac said...

Ditto to Ayako's reply. :)

PS Captcha. Upeago! Great band name.