Tuesday, January 26, 2010

144. For Your Sighs Only

Sometimes, the best thing to ever happen to you isn't anything you could have planned. Sometimes, it just falls in your lap out of the blue, catching you entirely off guard.

Friday, January 15, 2010

143. The Week in Review

In the past 5 days, I have ended my marriage, dropped out of college, leased an apartment and discovered I have virtually nothing to furnish it with, and found out that in 8 months, my department is being outsourced to a company in Albuquerque.

You'd think that I'd be upset...but strangely, I feel amazing. Not just relieved, or like I'm getting a fresh start. I'm deliriously happy.

I signed a 6 month lease that ends July 31st. I have a job until September, and if I don't find another position in the company before then, I get 9 weeks severance pay and a lump sum to cover 3 months of Cobra insurance (or anything I want).

I haven't decided what I want to do yet. I love Seattle, but I feel like a change of scene might be a really good thing for me. I'm considering moving to Chicago to be close to the friends I find myself missing more every day. I hate the weather in the midwest, but I hear the summers in Chicago are slightly more bearable than St. Louis. Or maybe I will stay in Seattle, who knows.

I'm just done feeling trapped, and I really hope I'm over being so indecisive about every little thing. It isn't ever too late to change your life for the better.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

142. Argh.

Annnnnd I dropped my poetry class.
It's too much to deal with right now and I would rather withdraw completely than get a bad grade. Hopefully Spring quarter will be a little more stable. Who knows.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

141. Nard Dog

The slow prowl,
executed like a rabid dog
stalking the neighborhood
children hoping to snag
a late afternoon snack.
Sensibilities have gone
and all that's left is
the instinctual
(less the intellectual).
Seemingly deliberate but
driven by something
not entirely conscious.
The goal, once identified,
makes forward motion
invariably unavoidable -
accelerating toward conclusion,
whatever that may be

This wasn't an assignment. Just emptying the recycle bin to make some room. It lacks subtly, unfortunately. Ce'est la vie. I feel like I've become too serious over the past several years, and I'd like to get back to more entertaining sorts of scribbling.

I miss sleeping.
I actually fell asleep sitting in front of my computer just now, homework only partially finished. Off to bed.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

140. Winta Quarta Sorta

Class started Monday. I was enrolled for two, but as of last night, am down to one. I wasn't ready for math. I'm having trouble committing to classes I don't care about. I think this is because I still have no idea what I want to do with myself, so I'm taking my sweet time about it. Anyway, all that's left is poetry. And poetry is the class I've been waiting forever for.

I'm hoping this will motivate me to write more, even if it's terrible. If I do, it'll end up here of course. I sort of trailed off because I'm not a very focused person in general. I'm working on that.

Tomorrow I'm headed off for adventures in Chicago. I'm actually feeling really nervous with excitement. I may explode from anticipation. I shouldn't even be sitting here, I have so much left to do.

What else...I am exceedingly irritated by my haircut. It won't do anything I want. I really like my stylist, and she seems to be doing exactly what I ask her to do...yet my hair is terrible. I can't figure out what the problem is, but I think the length is just awkward. It's not quite short enough or long enough to hang properly. I'm about to scream.

I guess that's all for now.