Wednesday, March 23, 2011

181. A Very Bad Cake

Recently I think I might have mentioned something about being really excited to try making this Clementine Cake from Nigella's "How To Eat" cookbook. If I didn't, I'm sorry for remembering things I thought I might have said, but didn't. Sometimes I confuse my internal and external monologues.

Anyway, I decided to try and make it Friday night for what was supposed to be a very chic dinner party I planned for Saturday night. Unfortunately, I remain a disaster when it comes to cakes and often cookies too, and the following is what happened...

It began by boiling a bunch of seedless clementines for round of abouts 2 hours. At this point, I am excited, and enamored with how pretty they are as they bob around in the pan. Who boils clementines? That's ingenius!!!

After two very long hours, during which I check on the progress of the clementines every few minutes for fear they may burst open and explode orangey-goo all over my kitchen, they come to rest on a plate, like so:

The next step involved pureeing all of those lovely clementines, pulp and all, in a food processor. Then there was some addition of white sugar and baking powder, and grinding just over two cups of almonds. The problem was, I only bought one bag of almonds, which came to right around 1 and 1/2 cups or something?

At this realization, I panic for a moment. It's probably 11:30pm, I've had a cocktail or two, and certainly do not feel like driving myself BACK to the grocery store for this one thing I forgot. Looking around my kitchen, I discover a bag of coconut flakes in my freezer. Thank goodness! Filler!!!

Ok, so fingers crossed. We mix all of this nonsense together and dump it into my bundt cake pan. Only, upon doing so, I realize the recipe specifically calls for a springform pan, because THIS CAKE IS DELICATE. Oops.

Ah, well. What are you going to do, right? Let's just bake it and see what happens.

By the time it was done baking, around 1? I am tired. I want to sleep. And cakeykins actually crumbles into a billion pieces upon removing it from the pan. I decide that the best course of action is to take the destroyed mess of cake and mash it into an 8 inch square pan, then bake some more. Yes yes, I realize I am an idiot. Why did you not fully absorb the instructions before attempting to bake? Why did you decide to proceed, knowing you did not own a springform pan? To you I say this: FOR SCIENCE!!! But admittedly, I am an idiot who is not good at baking.

Anyway, it came out looking like cheesy hashbrowns, which I wasn't about to serve to my guests. I scrapped the idea and handed the pan to my Wizard, who spent the day picking at it and making happy sounds with his mouth full. I guess it tasted pretty ok, even if it was totally smashed and not pretty at all. I was so disenchanted, I forgot to photo the final product until days later. Today, actually.

Gross.

Saturday I ended up making an amazing lemon mousse that I've made before, and completely recommend. Why I can master custard and not a freaking cake, don't ask me. Top that with berries (fresh or frozen) and maybe a shortbread cookie. You'll love it, I promise.

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