My Tinkerbell gig turned out to be a book signing at a public library. It seems that Mr. Dave Barry teamed up with Mr. Ridley Pearson sometime ago and began writing a sort of Peter Pan spin-off, which they titled the Peter and the Starcatchers series.
Currently, they're on tour to promote the release of book 5.
I didn't find out any of this until the day before, when I showed up to try on my costume. Which, I realized as it was being handed to me, was not Tinkerbell, but a mermaid instead. I had been replaced by a 16 year old who fit the part of Tinkerbell quite a bit better, being that she was much smaller and more spritely than me, and had a much larger attitude.
Not that I was upset. I was getting paid either way, and mermaids are pretty neat-o. So my entire purpose was to sit on a "treasure chest" in front of a pirate ship backdrop and have my photo taken with kids. Not bad, right? This turned out to be even easier than I expected, because almost no one wanted to have their photo taken with the mermaid. They were too busy harassing the mechanical toucan which was voiced by my wizard from behind a curtain. Which left me plenty of time to sit flipping my tail and imagining myself as Darryl Hannah in Splash, sans the blonde hair.
Tinkerbell spent most of the evening dramatically complaining to me that 1) she had a party to go to, and 2) the fluorescent lights were giving her a migraine. And just because these sorts of things are rarely ever without some complication, a little old lady informed the staff she thought her husband had died, because according to her, he'd fallen asleep in his chair and wouldn't respond. By the time the ambulance got there he was fine.
We wrapped up by 8, Tinkerbell dashed off to her party, the wizard and I picked up Cliffy and made it to Denny's party where we gorged on a spread of brats and cheese and brownies, and everyone lived happily ever after. The END.