Saturday, January 28, 2012

228. Argh.

Painting is hard.

I learned this in the past hour.

Ok, to be honest, I knew it wasn't easy. I've studied art. I've gone to museums. There is definite skill required. So when my darling Wizard stuck me in front of a large blank canvas this evening and told me to paint, I was overwhelmed. I immediately began mixing black and white, and smearing a sort of stormy grey background all over it because it seemed like what I should do.

Much to much like that Counting Crows song, grey really is my favorite color. It's soothing and pleasant, and I gravitate towards it even more than green, which I love nearly as much. Unfortunately, after getting it all up there, I've come to realize that grey is my favorite color for a lot of things, but it makes for a pretty depressing painting. I look suicidal.

Grey notwithstanding, it's bad. It's amateurish looking and I cringe to think that I did that. There isn't even a subject yet, and already, I look like I'm badly copying my boyfriend's style because I have no idea where to begin.

Have you ever waited for paint to dry?
The suspense. Yee.

I know I've begun something awful, which I intend to continue until the end on the basis that I fucking started this shit, and I can't even move on, because I have to sit here and wait for Layer 1 to finish drying. In my impatience, I attempted to slap some yellow handprints across it, like an Indian might have imprinted his palm on the ass of his war pony. Bad idea. It looked horrendous, and I had to go back and paint over it.

At this point, I think I'm painting angry. I want to give up and get all Jackson Pollack on this canvas. I love the Wizard's paintings, but I don't want to look like a sad imitation of them. This entire venture feels like the culmination of all my frustrations lately. I don't want to deal with college this semester, I don't want my job, and I want to go home (Seattle). I'm pent up and I'm pissed off. And this canvas is mocking me.

Dammit.

1 comment:

Joshua De La Noco said...

I had a friend once tell me "that quality is a bourgeois myth." I mostly agree. Anyway, every first work should suck. It doesn't matter what type of art you're going after. My advice, have fun painting and try to have fun not being any good. No one gives a shit if your first painting is any good. You shouldn't either. If it helps at all, my first novel is going to suck. And I'm going to let everyone watch me write it.

Also, I think it's mighty dope Johnny put you in front of a canvas and that you went for it. You two kick ass.