Wednesday, June 6, 2012

296. Chi-Chi-Chi-Chicago


I don't even know where to begin. Chicago was so much needed I can't even describe it. We left here needing a trip out of town, and we returned wishing we never left.

Don't get me wrong, the trip was not perfect. Shit downright imploded, right up front. After parking the car in the garage of our swanky hotel, I asked the Wizard, "hey, should I put the club on the steering wheel?" He said, yeah!
I walked to the back of the car and suddenly realized...I DON'T HAVE A KEY FOR THAT CLUB!!!
We spent the next two hours trying to resolve the lock sitch.
I called ONE locksmith. ONE.
They were on North Michigan. Superior Lock.
They said they'd send someone over in 20 minutes.
We waited.
20 minutes came and went, and my phone rang. The woman at the lock shop told me that the tech was having trouble reaching me, it was going straight to voicemail. I apologized, but I'm standing in a parking garage. What can I do, the reception is bad?
I go outside, where I can actually get calls, but discover my voicemails are frozen and won't play on my iPhone.
The technician calls and says he'll be another 20.
Ok....


20 minutes later, my phone is ringing, but I'm on the phone with Sprint trying to fix my voicemail problem. I put Sprint on hold and answer locksmith, who says he's on the corner, at the light. I wave, saying, "hey, I can see you, hi!" and, "don't park in the garage, it'll charge you". He attempts to pull into the garage and says, "hey, it's going to charge me if I park here". We say, "yeah...that's what we said". He parks on the side of the garage in a 15 minute space, and walks to my car with us. Halfway there, we mention it's a club...
"Um, we don't do clubs".
I am flabbergasted, because I specifically told the phone operator this is a club.
Tech then attempts to charge us $15 for his trip out.
I become angry and call "his boss".
His boss is confused, and says they don't charge a service fee, and that they have no one working for them that looks like the person I am describing.
This is a mystery, but tech takes off. GONE.
So I'm yelling (not really, but I'm kind of agitated) at this guy.
He explains to me that not only does he not have a $15 service charge...he doesn't have a guy fitting my description, but can he have his tech call me back with more details?
Yes?
We wait.
Tech calls.
We're talking, and he reiterates that there is no guy that looks like what I describe working for them, and they do not charge a fee.
I begin to become suspicious...and ask, "What company do you work for?"
..................

Not Superior Lock.
Not at all.
I can't understand what dood is saying, but he explains that this is a mobile unit that doesn't have an address. Some other name.

I become completed weirded out, and look at the Wizard for instruction.
He appears flabbergasted, and I feel the same.
I disconnect.

We proceed to walk many blocks.
Many.
To an Ace Hardware, where we purchase a hacksaw.
We walk back, and DESTROY the club.

THE END.

Dinner, and an amaaaaaaaazing weekend.

There were so many...amazing...my God. I can't even tell you. Chinatown, and gelato, and The Long Room, and a play (The Jammer!!!).
Fucking...
GO TO CHICAGO.
THE END.


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