Friday, June 15, 2012

300. Missouri is Trying to Kill Me

No, I am not being dramatic. I am so very allergic to this state, you have no idea.

There appears to be a direct correlation between high temperatures and the things I am allergic to, because every time it gets really muggy hot out, I lose it.

It began around 9:30 this morning. An itchy sneezy sniffling that escalated into a spiraling face-storm by lunchtime. In desperation, I used my lunch break to run to the gas station, where I purchased tissues and Claritin. The Claritin did nothing. Not even a dent in the waves of mucous.

By 2:00 I was drowning in a full on hurricane of snot, and blowing my nose constantly. No more than a few seconds between, and the tissues couldn't hold up for more than 3 or 4 of my explosions. 4:00 came, and I sat in my chair, steadily dripping from my nostrils, sapped of any will to live. Whenever I sneezed (which happened often), my co-workers would respond with "God bless you". After something like the fiftieth time, I realized they were actually saying it in the superstitious, voodoo use of the term. I think it was around the time one of them said, "God bless you, keep those germs away from me"...

I barely made it home. The tsunami of sneezes made navigating the sea of rush hour a serious challenge. I nearly rear-ended someone while blinded by a particularly large outburst.

Once home, I devoured more Claritin. These are 24 hours pills, which I have doubled up on in the hopes they might work. Had I planned for this, I would have been taking them every day to build up a nice layer of allergen armor in my veins, but who wants to take allergy medicine every day when you only need it sometimes?

I still accomplished errands. At the grocery store, I succumbed to a chain of explosive sneezes that garnered creepy "Gesundheit"s from an old man who appeared to be trailing me through the medicinal aisles. I was sneezing so often, and he was gesundheiting me after every single expulsion, I finally wanted to scream, "SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" while chucking boxes of generic laxatives and cold medicines at him. 
I might have too, only I felt like such a slimy troll that I scuttled off down the dairy aisle to peruse my cottage cheese options instead.

After I got home, the Wizard and I went back out domesticating. First was Target, where homey goods like new sheets and mirrors and wall hangers were purchased. Then it was on to Weekends Only, where we bounced and wallowed on every single mattress, just like Goldilocks, until we found the perfect one. It arrives on Sunday, and I cannot wait. It has everything; reassuringly firm support, yet the cushy, marshmallowy give that dreams are made of. If only I could curl up on it after a day like today.

This is my 300th post, and I wish it were more commemorative of the occasion. Oh, well.

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